I have a weird thing with gifts.
I more and more don't know how to react when people give me physical gifts. Xmas, bday, just because, you name the reason for the gift and I'll give you a sense of dread and awkwardness. I'm much better if people buy me drinks or a meal.
There is an apprehension I get, because I don't know how to react. I can't really fake a good response, so however I feel will show. I know people care about me and they want to show it, but I don't know how to respond.
One thing I've never gotten since I was a kid was a surprise party for me. I've seen several, being on the side of the serving industry that has one or two of them a week, but never one for me. I think that is a combination of me to blame for not planning things out with my schedule that would allow someone to be able to do that and just not being in the right situation. I have participated in several for others, and have planned a few, but never had one thrown for me.
There was one time that comes to now that I think about it, when some friends came over and kidnapped me to other parts of town. Hillary Peppers and someone else (memory isn't what it used to be) came by and kidnapped me from my apartment. They wanted to take me somewhere and hid me in the back seat with my head covered. I got out and it was a truck stop on the east side of Bloomington. Little did they realize, my old boss from my first job was the new boss of the diner side of the stop and I got my meal for free that night. It was fun, and interesting. I don't recall many of the details of the night outside of that.
No girlfriend ever surprised me with a big party. I blame myself in part because I always wanted to plan out how it would go. I have managed to help surprise a few people, and they were good times. There was one time I floored one of my brothers with an Xmas gift - and that probably changed our relationship for the good.
Some background on that - we hadn't talked in years. The divorce of my mom and ex-step dad really separated our family. I had a brother that ran on the wrong side of the law for a while, and we had a beef that went back years because who knows why. Fast forward to about a decade ago, and it was going to be Xmas celebrated at my place. I said he could come, and that alone was going to be the big thing.
I had just gotten a job working at a pawn shop. It was a shitty job, but I learned a lot about putting items for sale on eBay. We got handed a bonus, something I didn't expect. It was $100, and I was thinking about what I could spend it on. Then I got a phone call from my mother that changed things.
Turns out that my parents had gotten my brother some PS2 games. As luck would have it, my brother ended up pawning his PS2 in order to make rent and have some funds for Xmas. The gifts my parents got for him would have been salting the wound a little, much to their dismay. My mom knew I worked in a pawn shop, and asked if any had come in. They didn't have the cash, but they were grasping for straws at what to do. I told my parents not to worry, and that I would take care of it.
My brother and I didn't speak much that Xmas. It was tense. But then the gift giving came, and the sheer shock on his face when he opened the PS2 that I spent my bonus money on to held save Xmas was one I will never forget. You could tell that there was some mixed emotions going on in his head. I had the biggest beef with my brother for the longest time, and there was something in that moment that just made it melt away. To go from not talking to each other to today where he insisted on getting a picture of him and his brother with his son before his brother moved to Texas....
Maybe that is why I don't get surprise parties thrown for me, because I pulled a good one for someone that will mean more to me than anything that could happen from here on to myself. But I am open to seeing that change in the future.
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