Alternate pasts and futures have been a thing for me since I first read about them in comic books from years ago. What would life be like if things just went down a different path? It can be a weird form of nostalgia, as you embrace an idealistic version of the past and try to play it out if things had just been a little different than before.
This weird feeling came up a couple of weeks ago when I had heard about layoffs happening at my old job back in Illinois. The company I was with was one were you didn't think an event like that would happen, but there you go. I got to thinking what would life be like if I was still there and didn't make the move to Austin. The odds, and general circumstances, told me that I would have probably been on the chopping block. That would have meant moving to a smaller place, buckling down and attempting to find another job, and just all sorts of crazy. Instead I am in Texas, which at times feels like I am living out some weird alt history for me.
There are some big moments in life that I wonder what would happen if I zigged instead of zagged. What if I never tried out for theater in high school? What if I didn't date who I did? What if certain relationships went longer or weren't even there? What if I never started working at Steak n Shake my junior year? So many to choose from, and that is just in that pivotal time of high school.
When I'm really wrapped up in this feeling, the go to ideas always involve a girl. What if I stayed together with one? What if we got pregnant? What if we never dated at all? Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I stayed in certain homes and kept up the weird lifestyle I was doing.
I would call it looking back in fondness, but I also look at some of the bad paths I was headed down and the possible fractures of my life that would have been. Trust me, it all isn't a bed of roses.
So, what if I hadn't met my ex-fiance?
Frame the situation - I was living with Gale Murrin, and we lived in a party house. We were going crazy with good times. In my infinite wisdom, I made the decision to move to Champaign, about an hour away. There wasn't anything really pulling me there, I just wanted to get out of town. Had a potential transfer from the steakhouse I was working at to the new city. But then I met my fiance, and things took a turn. I didn't move and instead went to live with her. We got engaged quickly, and life happened.
So, what would the alternate timeline be? First, I start with what I learned about myself after being with her. This includes getting back in to George Carlin and discovering Bill Hicks for the first time. I learned about my true feelings on religion and how it really wasn't for me and I didn't want that to be something that was a part of a significant other's life as well. I got a little more in debt with the wedding ring I got her, and maxed out a credit card that I got simply because I wanted to prove a point that I, who was in immense debt at the time, would have and easier time getting a credit card than she, who had never owned a credit card before. Moral of the story - getting yourself into further debt to prove a point is very costly. I got to go to Wisconsin for the first time in my life. And at the end of the relationship, I got to move in with my friend Johnny.
Now, let's see what would be different. I would probably have stayed in town despite the attempts at moving. I think I would have moved in with my friend Seth. I'd be living in a slightly large closet of a room, and would be on the south side of town. I still would have been at the steak house. A second job? Unknown. A relationship at that time might have gone a little weird, as there were a couple of people that I was interested in before my ex-fiance jumped in to my life. If I started a relationship with either of them that developed more, it would have been a crazy good time, but wouldn't have lasted long. My views on religion would be put on hold, and I'm not sure if I would have found them without that strong life experience in place.
Drinking would definitely have grown. I would have continued to be caught up in movies and pop culture. I had been getting a little in to different music at the time, so I probably would have stumbled my way in to that. I don't think I would have done anything musically, but I would probably have spent some cash on getting a guitar or drum set and having a go at it. I didn't have the discipline then to really jump in to a hobby like that.
I dare say it, but I think I would have been popped for a DUI. I was a little more reckless then, and that would have probably gotten me in to a bit of trouble. I could see that driving me to want to get out of town even more. I was fully about to embrace the thought of BloNo as a here-to-go type of town.
I don't think I would have discovered vanilla vodka and orange soda. That was a drink I remember having a lot of when I lived with the ex. I would have gone heavier in to the whiskeys, and that would have become a more expensive habit than it turned out to be. Then again, I wouldn't have to worry about money so much since some of my debt wouldn't be there with her not around to rise up the debt level.
Damn. This is a sad thing to admit, but I'm not thinking about too much on the positive side of this alt timeline. It might not have been the brightest path. Maybe I would have changed my mind about Champaign in time for me and the roommate to keep the party place so we could keep the party going. Another year in that house would have been fun. When you throw that in to the mix, there is too much possible scenarios, all of which involve long nights, great people, and more crazy high jinxs. Now that would be a timeline to live through.
You mix a party house with alcohol, unknown peeps, random visits, and continue on everything that happened the previous year and it would have been amazing. I had just gotten in to beer and wine at the place. I think in that alt timeline I would have encountered George Carlin again, and gotten in to Bill Hicks. The views on religion still wouldn't have confronted me yet, but maybe a drunken debate with people one night could make things different.
That was a strange time in my life, and I mean that in the nicest sense possible. I grew up a lot then, and actually going through the relationship spend things up a bit. I hate admitting that. Despite all of the negatives that came out of the situation, it was probably for the best. When you learn a lot, you grow up a lot. Wisdom attained, life experience +25 points. On to the next level.
A bigger question to think about - what if I ended up getting married to the Christian girl from Wisconsin who loved the Packers and was interested in starting a family? Would divorce have entered the picture? Kids?
I could not imagine me as a father in any alt timeline. Well, maybe if things were different. But that definitely wouldn't have happened with that ex.
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