This is going to be a difficult work week.
With a team of 6 and two take the week off, it will be tense. It feels like every caller is angry, tired of long waits, and needs something simple like their password updated because they forgot it and they can't remember how to follow simple password recovery techniques.
Sigh.
Weeks like this drain me the fuck out, and makes the night time seem to go by way too fast. I work a little overtime and I don't get paid overtime. Why do I do it? Because I want to be good at the job.
My head is spinning as my self confidence is doing flip flops because I'm overthinking everything right now instead of just enjoying the moment.
It is weird. Here I am forgetting the simple things in life, in just reveling in the moment and being proud I'm doing something a little different. I hold back when I shouldn't, and I forget to embrace the day.
Sometimes I don't remember that writing and creating helps free me of this anxiety and helps to expose those feelings locked down inside. I want to take it and push it out, make those doubts and disbelief fade away as I remember who it is I am.
Too often do I like to throw up the question, without realizing I have the answer locked inside my head. I'm sticking in the sandpit of doubt while the strong arms of knowledge are trying to lift me out.
Someday I'll sit down and write about my life right now. I'm doing good, I just don't know it yet.
From the back of my head to the tips of my fingers. These are words of a life being lived.
Tuesday, August 30, 2016
Tuesday, August 23, 2016
Status Check: Still Kicking
Not too long after the last post, I beat Ducktales on the original NES.
Yes!
My video game time lately has been focused halfheartedly on NES, somewhat on Pocket Mortys, and non-existent for Fallout Shelter, which used to be a daily game play. The upkeep on it got to a point that was too much and just not fun anymore. So, out it goes.
Pokemon Go has been lacking. I finally got the chance to catch a Pikachu, but I ran out of Pokeballs, of which I only had 5 at the time and caught him with each one.
My enthusiasm for the game is really waning.
I started a new approach to the dating apps after trading experiences on the app with a friend. She had one approach to it that I'm trying out, so let's see if that helps out at all.
Basically this is just a status post as I relax and finish up selling the rest of the comics on ebay. As much as I appreciate the extra cash coming in, I need to have some time to breath. Trust me, the money coming in is good, but I need to plan for the long haul with this cash. I could pay off a credit card, maybe two, and that will help enough with the monthly expenditures to help get me through.
One day at a time, plan for the longer. Want to take some trips back home and then visit some friends in other states. So much to plan for, so little time.
I like that type of living.
Yes!
My video game time lately has been focused halfheartedly on NES, somewhat on Pocket Mortys, and non-existent for Fallout Shelter, which used to be a daily game play. The upkeep on it got to a point that was too much and just not fun anymore. So, out it goes.
Pokemon Go has been lacking. I finally got the chance to catch a Pikachu, but I ran out of Pokeballs, of which I only had 5 at the time and caught him with each one.
My enthusiasm for the game is really waning.
I started a new approach to the dating apps after trading experiences on the app with a friend. She had one approach to it that I'm trying out, so let's see if that helps out at all.
Basically this is just a status post as I relax and finish up selling the rest of the comics on ebay. As much as I appreciate the extra cash coming in, I need to have some time to breath. Trust me, the money coming in is good, but I need to plan for the long haul with this cash. I could pay off a credit card, maybe two, and that will help enough with the monthly expenditures to help get me through.
One day at a time, plan for the longer. Want to take some trips back home and then visit some friends in other states. So much to plan for, so little time.
I like that type of living.
Tuesday, August 16, 2016
Broken AC Brings Some Winter Memories During The Summer Heat
I'll be traveling back to Bloomington in a couple of months in order to have some fun and games with the friends that I've been missing. I've been thinking about what I miss and who I'm looking forward to seeing.
There are a couple of memories that I've been having that actually make me miss the place. I almost broke down today due to it, and it was more from the overwhelming sense of emotion and nostalgia that creeped in.
It has been rainy and gloomy the past couple of days in Austin. All weekend long and every day this week so far with the stop ending sometime around Thursday or Friday. There is this band called Murder by Death. When I first got introduced to them by my brother with all the music knowledge, I was a listened to them a lot. Then the music got put away for a while. Then it came back. Cycles, like most music in my life.
The album that springs to mind is called Like the Exorcist, but More Breakdancing. There is this one track, and damn me for not remembering the name right now, but I think it is Intergalactic Menopause. There is this one span of music in the track that is seared in to my head from a time when MySpace was the thing to be on. I was downloading some music or TV show or something at the time probably House or Lost, and it was cold outside. I lived in a place that wasn't insulated that well, to the point where I tried to put up some window covers so heat could stay in the house. I was cold, shivering a little, and sitting at my computer going through whatever online or what have you. The music was playing, I was wearing long johns underneath some holy jeans.
The best way I can describe it is that it was Illinois winter to me. Sitting in a room that was colder than it should, breath to the point of almost being seen, loosing myself to the oceans of the internet, the soundtrack seared so deep in the memory that it warms my heart just a little. It was an overcast day. I couldn't tell you if it was the weekend or weekday, but it was some afternoon. I think I may have been waiting for work to start. I was living in a party house. It encapsulates my 20s.
The office's AC in our room was broken, so they fixed it, and then it got fixed too well. Add in the rain and it was freezing cold in the room. Even the people with a couple of jackets and blankets for the winter time had pulled them out and were still feeling the cold. When a typical 100 degree day in Texas turns to the 70s with rain, full blast AC is not what you need.
That triggered that memory in me. That music came up and played in my head most of the afternoon. I'm forming thoughts and actions today that I know will stick with me for a lifetime just as much as that one, but it will always be around longer than them and burn a little warmer.
...
Have you ever sat in a room playing a video game all day long only to look up and realize that the room you swore was all lit up about 10 minutes ago is now at that breaking point of more darkness instead of day light surrounding you and any stresses you had that day are replaced with the coming excitement for what the night time adventures will bring? That memory is another one I have when I realized that and my roommate was playing that MbD album. I was playing Crash Nitro Kart on PS2.
There are a couple of memories that I've been having that actually make me miss the place. I almost broke down today due to it, and it was more from the overwhelming sense of emotion and nostalgia that creeped in.
It has been rainy and gloomy the past couple of days in Austin. All weekend long and every day this week so far with the stop ending sometime around Thursday or Friday. There is this band called Murder by Death. When I first got introduced to them by my brother with all the music knowledge, I was a listened to them a lot. Then the music got put away for a while. Then it came back. Cycles, like most music in my life.
The album that springs to mind is called Like the Exorcist, but More Breakdancing. There is this one track, and damn me for not remembering the name right now, but I think it is Intergalactic Menopause. There is this one span of music in the track that is seared in to my head from a time when MySpace was the thing to be on. I was downloading some music or TV show or something at the time probably House or Lost, and it was cold outside. I lived in a place that wasn't insulated that well, to the point where I tried to put up some window covers so heat could stay in the house. I was cold, shivering a little, and sitting at my computer going through whatever online or what have you. The music was playing, I was wearing long johns underneath some holy jeans.
The best way I can describe it is that it was Illinois winter to me. Sitting in a room that was colder than it should, breath to the point of almost being seen, loosing myself to the oceans of the internet, the soundtrack seared so deep in the memory that it warms my heart just a little. It was an overcast day. I couldn't tell you if it was the weekend or weekday, but it was some afternoon. I think I may have been waiting for work to start. I was living in a party house. It encapsulates my 20s.
The office's AC in our room was broken, so they fixed it, and then it got fixed too well. Add in the rain and it was freezing cold in the room. Even the people with a couple of jackets and blankets for the winter time had pulled them out and were still feeling the cold. When a typical 100 degree day in Texas turns to the 70s with rain, full blast AC is not what you need.
That triggered that memory in me. That music came up and played in my head most of the afternoon. I'm forming thoughts and actions today that I know will stick with me for a lifetime just as much as that one, but it will always be around longer than them and burn a little warmer.
...
Have you ever sat in a room playing a video game all day long only to look up and realize that the room you swore was all lit up about 10 minutes ago is now at that breaking point of more darkness instead of day light surrounding you and any stresses you had that day are replaced with the coming excitement for what the night time adventures will bring? That memory is another one I have when I realized that and my roommate was playing that MbD album. I was playing Crash Nitro Kart on PS2.
Monday, August 15, 2016
Secret Shame of Unbeaten NES Games
I have played many Nintendo games in my lifetime, but the number of ones that I've beat are just a little underwhelming, all things considered. In part it is due to how you define "beating" a game, especially ones that you would have to play for thousands of hours to complete. Eff that.
Looking back at the original NES games, there are a few that I'm trying to beat right now that I've been playing since I moved in and set up the systems. Let's go through them.
First up, Ducktales. This was a game I played a lot as a kid. Like most games, I played until a certain point and I just could never get past it. Fast forward to years later and I've actually surpassed where I was at before. This is one game I plan on beating before too long. Never conquered as a kid, but I plan to do it before the end of the year if not sooner.
Battletoads. This is the holy grail, but I've made some significant steps towards getting it done. I can successfully get past the tunnel level. That dreaded tunnel level. I found a warp zone and now can almost easily get past it and rock up to the level with the snake rides before I really start to trip out and can't do it anymore. But each day I am learning the pattern, and one day it shall be mine.
Batman. This was the classic game based in part with the Tim Burton movie. I can get to a certain part of stage 3, but then I blank out before the big boss. There is only so much I can do before I have to call it quits, but this is one that I feel will be defeated before too long.
Double Dragon 2. The patterns are coming back as I slowly get back in to this game, but there will be a time that I am able to beat it. I distinctly remember getting this game one day after school, when I had saved up some money or something and my mom told me I could have it. I played it like crazy. This was the first "my game" that I remember but I could never actually beat it.
Super Mario Bros 2 & 3. So I never owned Mario 2. I remember my cousin having it, or a friend having it, but I never did. It was the forgotten Mario game for me, and one that I don't know all the warp levels for. Give it time, and I will conquer this one. But Mario 3? That is one of my secret shames. Played it many a time, but never got through and beat Bowser. I think I had more fun exploring the worlds and trying to get through the game without a warp whistle. I don't think I've ever actually seen the ending level outside of YouTube videos. This will be changing soon as I fly through the levels and finally get past the end point.
Zelda 2. I conquered the first Zelda game last year, and now I only have to get past the Shadow Link and Zelda 2 will be mine as well.
There are plenty of other games that I can name and add to this list, but I think I will go old school Nintendo first on them. Once I have brought fame and honor to my video game conquests, then I may just retire the game. Beat those old demons and then put them to rest.
Then we have to look at Sega, and the many games that I need to annihilate there as well. One system at a time.
Wednesday, August 10, 2016
On That Mobile Game That Everyone And I Are Playing
So I got in to Pokemon Go.
At first, it was awesome. I would go out, meet peeps also playing the game, see the groups of friends getting excited over video games, basically everything that warmed my heart for humanity.
Then the server issues hit, and I maintained it was still worth it.
I have never played a Pokemon game before this one. Never touched it, never understood the appeal, and just generally stayed away. But then I heard all the excitement over this one, and since I took walks around the neighborhood each day after work, I went and got the game in order to play video games while I exercised.
There was a Pokemon stop and gym at the place I work, which made for a dangerous situation of trying to balance work and playing a video game at the same time. But then, the Update Happened.
People were stopping in front of where I work and the management of the building considered it trespassing. So they appealed to the creators of the game and down the stop and the gym went. Boo.
Then, I noticed that a lot of other places did the same thing. Suddenly the game just got iffy to play unless you payed over some coin for the pokeballs and other tools to help you win.
Then the creatures became REALLY difficult to capture. On a simple, CP level under 50 character, you could throw one ball and capture the sucker. Now, it takes about 10 balls, they escape about 4-5 times, and they bat away the ball about 4-5 times as well. The first couple of days I went from having a good storage of about 75-100 Pokeballs to now being on empty worse than the gas in my car.
When you log in, the programmers have inserted warnings about not trespassing and not to drive while playing, and you have to acknowledge it every time you open the app. With the latest update, anytime it detects that you are going at a fast speed, it stops the game and makes you click on a message stating that you are a passenger in a moving vehicle before it will let you continue to play the game, and it asks this every time you go from a slow speed to a higher one.
If I didn't walk as much as I did, then this game would have turned south very quickly for me. I also play Fallout Shelter on my phone, and that has been updated with add on content that is taking the fun out of the game. Before the latest update I could level up characters, build weapons, travel the wasteland, and generally be able to manage the up to 3 vaults that they allow you to with a quick check in each day. Now, thanks to updates that add more quests and throws a bunch of lower level characters at you at every turn, I spend about 2 hours on a Saturday going through the boring quests and maintaining my characters. And that is only when I have the time to check on two of the vaults, as the third had to be deleted and I can only maintain the first one maybe every other day through the week otherwise.
When the game isn't enjoyable anymore, you have to walk away from it at times. I'm beginning to think that the developers of Pokemon are going to take all of the goodwill and love for the game that has been going since the beginning and flush it down the drain with all the terrible decisions on the updates. This style of game is something that we've never seen before, and it seems that there is an intense over-reaction to this style of game that is going to make the format not thrive in the sense that it should. Think of how Grand Theft Auto really helped to put a name for itself and for the style of open world video game that didn't apologize for what it was, didn't update and take away from the edginess that it had, and led by not apologizing for what it was doing. Granted, that was console gaming and trying to update that game to make it more appealing to the masses and "safer" wasn't going to be possible in the way the the Pokemon developers can throw out an update and push it to the game in a matter of minutes, but when the sequel for GTA came around, it built on what it had before.
Video games as an art form is still in the infancy of what it can become. I want to push and see games expand what they could be and not be put in a "safe space" bubble because some members of the public cried foul. This is immersive art, let's see what the true potential for the form can be before we get uncomfortable with it.
At first, it was awesome. I would go out, meet peeps also playing the game, see the groups of friends getting excited over video games, basically everything that warmed my heart for humanity.
Then the server issues hit, and I maintained it was still worth it.
I have never played a Pokemon game before this one. Never touched it, never understood the appeal, and just generally stayed away. But then I heard all the excitement over this one, and since I took walks around the neighborhood each day after work, I went and got the game in order to play video games while I exercised.
There was a Pokemon stop and gym at the place I work, which made for a dangerous situation of trying to balance work and playing a video game at the same time. But then, the Update Happened.
People were stopping in front of where I work and the management of the building considered it trespassing. So they appealed to the creators of the game and down the stop and the gym went. Boo.
Then, I noticed that a lot of other places did the same thing. Suddenly the game just got iffy to play unless you payed over some coin for the pokeballs and other tools to help you win.
Then the creatures became REALLY difficult to capture. On a simple, CP level under 50 character, you could throw one ball and capture the sucker. Now, it takes about 10 balls, they escape about 4-5 times, and they bat away the ball about 4-5 times as well. The first couple of days I went from having a good storage of about 75-100 Pokeballs to now being on empty worse than the gas in my car.
When you log in, the programmers have inserted warnings about not trespassing and not to drive while playing, and you have to acknowledge it every time you open the app. With the latest update, anytime it detects that you are going at a fast speed, it stops the game and makes you click on a message stating that you are a passenger in a moving vehicle before it will let you continue to play the game, and it asks this every time you go from a slow speed to a higher one.
If I didn't walk as much as I did, then this game would have turned south very quickly for me. I also play Fallout Shelter on my phone, and that has been updated with add on content that is taking the fun out of the game. Before the latest update I could level up characters, build weapons, travel the wasteland, and generally be able to manage the up to 3 vaults that they allow you to with a quick check in each day. Now, thanks to updates that add more quests and throws a bunch of lower level characters at you at every turn, I spend about 2 hours on a Saturday going through the boring quests and maintaining my characters. And that is only when I have the time to check on two of the vaults, as the third had to be deleted and I can only maintain the first one maybe every other day through the week otherwise.
When the game isn't enjoyable anymore, you have to walk away from it at times. I'm beginning to think that the developers of Pokemon are going to take all of the goodwill and love for the game that has been going since the beginning and flush it down the drain with all the terrible decisions on the updates. This style of game is something that we've never seen before, and it seems that there is an intense over-reaction to this style of game that is going to make the format not thrive in the sense that it should. Think of how Grand Theft Auto really helped to put a name for itself and for the style of open world video game that didn't apologize for what it was, didn't update and take away from the edginess that it had, and led by not apologizing for what it was doing. Granted, that was console gaming and trying to update that game to make it more appealing to the masses and "safer" wasn't going to be possible in the way the the Pokemon developers can throw out an update and push it to the game in a matter of minutes, but when the sequel for GTA came around, it built on what it had before.
Video games as an art form is still in the infancy of what it can become. I want to push and see games expand what they could be and not be put in a "safe space" bubble because some members of the public cried foul. This is immersive art, let's see what the true potential for the form can be before we get uncomfortable with it.
Monday, August 8, 2016
Stacks - o - Comics
I'm at the point in getting rid of my comic books that I always thought would bring about emotion and dread. But nothing is there.
Logically I've talked myself in to knowing that going digital is better, and it so very much is. Just from the comic sales on Comixology that I've dipped in to, it is so very much worth it. The digital collection will grow in scale to such a degree that I'll be able to view it in disbelief on my tiny Amazon device. That is so much easier than lugging around a ton of long boxes.
I've got all of the comics up on ebay save for about a short box worth of items that I'm finishing up on. There aren't any feelings of disappointment. The last time I purged my collection I went through a sort of denial and didn't enjoy selling it. There were times I wondered why I sold what I did, missing the comics that I did, and regretting some of it. Those feelings are gone. Knowing that I've read the material a couple of times through and that it is available in digital format at any time makes it so much easier.
I see the stacks of comics filed away and sorted out, and the stacks of books that will soon be joining them. I see them and I just want them gone. One thing I've liked about living in Austin and having things in storage is that they got out of my mind. I didn't have to care anymore, they could just go away. The physical and for some reason mental weight that was on me was gone. I'm tired of saving shit for trivial reasons, where they have been in boxes from the moment I got them.
The thought entered my brain that I have always had roommates. There was always someone else there in every place I lived until the last place that I lived in BloNo. It was my first apartment by myself and I filled up the space in some areas, while leaving a lot of things in boxes and collecting dust in others. I had been guilting myself in to keeping some items locked away and out of sight, but always ready to bring them out for a trip down memory lane.
It is so tiring. All these things and not sharing them with others. Not getting enjoyment out of them so I can keep them frozen in time. A snowglobe of my past.
I'm ready for what's next. The next step in the evolution of me is ready and waiting. Time to bring it out.
Logically I've talked myself in to knowing that going digital is better, and it so very much is. Just from the comic sales on Comixology that I've dipped in to, it is so very much worth it. The digital collection will grow in scale to such a degree that I'll be able to view it in disbelief on my tiny Amazon device. That is so much easier than lugging around a ton of long boxes.
I've got all of the comics up on ebay save for about a short box worth of items that I'm finishing up on. There aren't any feelings of disappointment. The last time I purged my collection I went through a sort of denial and didn't enjoy selling it. There were times I wondered why I sold what I did, missing the comics that I did, and regretting some of it. Those feelings are gone. Knowing that I've read the material a couple of times through and that it is available in digital format at any time makes it so much easier.
I see the stacks of comics filed away and sorted out, and the stacks of books that will soon be joining them. I see them and I just want them gone. One thing I've liked about living in Austin and having things in storage is that they got out of my mind. I didn't have to care anymore, they could just go away. The physical and for some reason mental weight that was on me was gone. I'm tired of saving shit for trivial reasons, where they have been in boxes from the moment I got them.
The thought entered my brain that I have always had roommates. There was always someone else there in every place I lived until the last place that I lived in BloNo. It was my first apartment by myself and I filled up the space in some areas, while leaving a lot of things in boxes and collecting dust in others. I had been guilting myself in to keeping some items locked away and out of sight, but always ready to bring them out for a trip down memory lane.
It is so tiring. All these things and not sharing them with others. Not getting enjoyment out of them so I can keep them frozen in time. A snowglobe of my past.
I'm ready for what's next. The next step in the evolution of me is ready and waiting. Time to bring it out.
Friday, August 5, 2016
Catch Up From The Crazy Shenanigans of The Summer
Well July was a busy month.
Quick recap - shit happened.
Long story longer - a lot of shit happened.
Got the heads up that my room became available in August and I can start to move in. I did, and it has been crazy unpacking since then. Trying to scrunch down a 2 bedroom apartment that I had mildly decorated down to a bedroom and shared living space is damn near impossible. I had a huge gaming collection, a huge comic collection, and a huge book collection. I smartly made the decision to go digital for 95% of it.
I had 4 3-shelf book shelves and one 5 shelf bookcase that were all filled at my old place. After sorting between good ones to ebay and the others to donate/garage sale, I now have less than a three shelf amount of books. This is a good thing, as I put them all on the 5 shelf book case and am slowly finding things to fill in the spaces. I'm going to have to find more stuff to put in there, as I expect to get rid of much more of it.
With the comic collection, I have all the photos of the remaining comics to sell, leaving me with a short box of comics left after a collection of 10-12 long boxes, if I combined the short ones together. I have most of the Batman books and the Flash books to go, about 3 long boxes left. I plan on getting some special cases for the remaining comics in order to be able to put them in those cases and fit them perfectly on the bookshelf, thus eliminating all comic boxes out of my possession.
For the video games, I have 2 mini 7 shelf media things that they are all stored in. About one whole case I am getting rid of, and probably chop some more after a bit. I'm on a plan that if I haven't played a game in a year then out the window it goes. It also helps that I'm taking the 13 systems I have and dwindling them down to 4 - the Dreamcast, Wii, Nes, and purchasing a Retron 5. The Wii is eventually going to be homebrew'd, thus allowing me to have a bunch of old roms all on the system eliminating the need for physical copies of the games.
Books, comics, and video games all are getting trimmed down. I am simply amazed.
There was also an incident that happened in July that I will get around to talking about someday. Not now, but soon.
I've been out and about, spending less time on myself and more time with others. I'm going to get around to writing the continuing story of dating apps and the city, dabbling a little in to Pokemon Go, and talking through some of the other road blocks that have prevented me from taking the time each day to sit down and write. I don't know why I spend so much time on things that don't help me to advance who I am as a person instead of spinning wheels. I could always find an excuse to be entertained, or be entertaining, but I ant to focus on personal growth sometime.
BTW, I have to mention the wings competition sometime. That will be a good story to tell as well.
Another day will be here soon, and I will be back with more.
Quick recap - shit happened.
Long story longer - a lot of shit happened.
Got the heads up that my room became available in August and I can start to move in. I did, and it has been crazy unpacking since then. Trying to scrunch down a 2 bedroom apartment that I had mildly decorated down to a bedroom and shared living space is damn near impossible. I had a huge gaming collection, a huge comic collection, and a huge book collection. I smartly made the decision to go digital for 95% of it.
I had 4 3-shelf book shelves and one 5 shelf bookcase that were all filled at my old place. After sorting between good ones to ebay and the others to donate/garage sale, I now have less than a three shelf amount of books. This is a good thing, as I put them all on the 5 shelf book case and am slowly finding things to fill in the spaces. I'm going to have to find more stuff to put in there, as I expect to get rid of much more of it.
With the comic collection, I have all the photos of the remaining comics to sell, leaving me with a short box of comics left after a collection of 10-12 long boxes, if I combined the short ones together. I have most of the Batman books and the Flash books to go, about 3 long boxes left. I plan on getting some special cases for the remaining comics in order to be able to put them in those cases and fit them perfectly on the bookshelf, thus eliminating all comic boxes out of my possession.
For the video games, I have 2 mini 7 shelf media things that they are all stored in. About one whole case I am getting rid of, and probably chop some more after a bit. I'm on a plan that if I haven't played a game in a year then out the window it goes. It also helps that I'm taking the 13 systems I have and dwindling them down to 4 - the Dreamcast, Wii, Nes, and purchasing a Retron 5. The Wii is eventually going to be homebrew'd, thus allowing me to have a bunch of old roms all on the system eliminating the need for physical copies of the games.
Books, comics, and video games all are getting trimmed down. I am simply amazed.
There was also an incident that happened in July that I will get around to talking about someday. Not now, but soon.
I've been out and about, spending less time on myself and more time with others. I'm going to get around to writing the continuing story of dating apps and the city, dabbling a little in to Pokemon Go, and talking through some of the other road blocks that have prevented me from taking the time each day to sit down and write. I don't know why I spend so much time on things that don't help me to advance who I am as a person instead of spinning wheels. I could always find an excuse to be entertained, or be entertaining, but I ant to focus on personal growth sometime.
BTW, I have to mention the wings competition sometime. That will be a good story to tell as well.
Another day will be here soon, and I will be back with more.
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